The Irony Of It All

[Steve CA]

The wife and I had just returned from two wonderful weeks of travel (“Vacation”) at the start of 2015. All the stops we typically make, were part of our itinerary, traveling down from CT to FL, via the beautiful Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, to the coastal 95 route, from Charleston, SC and down. The trip back was just as restful and enjoyable. With nothing to hold us up, save for a traffic snag now and then in certain spots, rare but none the less tedious, we enjoyed the trip itself for what it was, and the people we characteristically see along the way; not the least of which, her father, whose home is our ultimate destination before heading back North.
Two days after arriving home, my body gave me an unwelcome and unexpected surprise. I would awake to a sudden inability to walk, stand, or sit comfortably. The irony of these sudden physical limitations, came from the fact that my own wife had experienced these things back in 2006, and it was determined that she had M.S.. After two months of hospitalization, she was finally able to come home, after having to learn how to walk again, and ………..well………..I’m sure if you know anyone with M.S., you understand the battle these folks have. It’s different for every one of them, and in my wife’s case, along with the assistance of a disciplined and extensive drug regime, she is able to at least function with some level of competence, although “working” in any repeatable and reliable way has not been achieved since she was smitten.
I have continued to work, no matter what I had to do to get there. I walk with a cane now when I’m at work. I don’t “need” it and it was not ordered, but I find it helpful during those times when I have to stand for any extended amount of time, or navigate from car to building. The mornings and evenings are the hardest times of the day, in terms of pain and navigation. Even now, I sit in a “Lazy Boy” fully extended back, with two pillows behind my back, as I write this. It is the only position I can find that will take the pain away, if only for a short time.
It was less than a month ago, that I actually invested in, and brought home, my first Saxophone. I have told you all about it. A wonderful starter horn (the Selmer Bundy II, “used” and refurbished).
Even on the day I brought it home, it was a painful exercise to get to the Saxophone Store and Repair shop, and get home again, but by sheer tenacity, I did it. This purchase came as a result of a patient wife who allowed it; a fair price, and opportunity, after much careful investigation about playing the Saxophone, and the choice of Dealer/Technician.
This morning, like most others these last 30 days or so since “Vacation” and the onset of the pain and limitations that my body has handed me, I am again in that prone position in my Lazy Boy. Anticipating a “hump day” at work, but having to crawl to get from the downstairs to the upstairs bathroom to take my morning shower. I managed, in spite of it.
As each day passes, no matter how much I would like to be doing some of my favorite things, like hunting in the deep woods, riding my motorcycle, or learning to play the Saxophone, (notice I didn’t include “work” in that list…….lol) I am becoming more and more painfully aware that my body is not going to heal as it always has in the past. If this were “typical” back pain, I’d be back to my normal active self within a couple of weeks. not THIS time.
It should be said that I am one of those folks who sees life in the “glass is half full” camp. I am neither a hypochondriac, nor a pessimist. I take my roles as “provider” and “caregiver” very seriously, and do my utmost to fulfill those duties. Those duties are spawned from love, and loyalty; right and proper as they are.
Nevertheless, given the increasing argumentative nature of the way my body is behaving lately, I question how much longer I will be able to perform, to respond, to act. “Work” is a must, for provision, and response to the wife’s needs, are not questioned, but that leaves very little else. All energy reserves are set aside for those two duties (including necessary things like grocery shopping, shoveling snow in season, and in alternate seasons, mowing the grass, and picking up leaves).
That said, I see some modifications that should be made in my life. Not because I want to, nor because of any financial support, but merely because I see the logic of it. I see the hunting rifles being sold, (how can I safely navigate the woods in this condition, much less tote out a deer FROM the woods). I see the motorcycle being sold (imagine the pain threshold of trying to safely motor about on my motorcycle, sitting on my tailbone and attempting to shift and brake with legs that won’t respond quickly or correctly), and I see the Tenor Saxophone I just bought, going to a person who has the stamina and strength to tote and hold it.
To any New Englander (CT particularly) who is reading this………….the above diatribe should give you the background behind this decision. The Selmer Bundy II Tenor Saxophone is yours if you want it, for what I paid for it ($500.00). I DON’T want to part with it. I don’t want to give up on the dream I had to play it, but I see the unfortunate truth about it all, in light of my own limitations. It is in very fine condition for the “used” horn that it is. I have done no harm to it, since toting it home from the Dealer/Technician’s place of business. It’s been out of the case perhaps three or four times, since bringing it home, my quest for a local teacher with reasonable rates and a flexible schedule, and my general health of late, the only things that kept it more “in” the case, than “out.”
I don’t want this instrument to go to waste. It should be played and heard. It deserves a good amount of use and willing ears to hear its sweet tone. Interested? You can e-mail “soupy1957@yahoo.com” if you are. Please put in the Subject Line the following words: “Your Bundy.” That will help me discriminate the SPAM from your legitimate interest. I would be happy to make arrangements to place this fine horn (in “used” but completely playable condition) in your capable hands.
Meanwhile, I await the Insurance company’s decision, concerning a request by a local Neurological Physician, for me to have an MRI, and then hear the recommendations of that Doctor, for how to overcome (if possible) what I’m facing at the moment. Like my wife’s M.S., I suppose there is always the possibility that it won’t be able to be resolved, but ……….being a person who likes to think of the glass as “half full” rather than “half empty,”……….I won’t think in those terms. Rather, I believe that I will find (perhaps thru painful process, but perhaps not) some measure of “normal” lifestyle, that will allow me to function in those areas of my life that are most important; as provider, caregiver, “Dad” and “Pepere.”

[Anonymous]

Jeez Soupy – i’m 56 & you’re ripping my heart out man!
I like the Mel Gibson movies where Danny Glover keeps saying “I’m getting too old for this shit!”
not my words, his words – so excuse me posting it here!
Not to go down that route, but i think we’re all in the departure lounge, best to enjoy what we’ve got! Eh?
My cousin in Ireland who is older me says ” Johnny if i ever turn do-lally-tap, you’ll take me out & shoot me, won’t you?”
with a mischievous look in her eyes – as if i’d do such a thing!
What can i say man! Gutted…

[Dazza]

And my biggest concern lately has been chasing a good sax deal. Puts that in perspective. Sorry to hear mate. Not easy to put that in writing to virtual strangers. If nothing else you might inspire a few of us to stop procrastinating on that daily practice session thinking the fluent player we dream of being is too far away and just get about doing it now because you just never know……..

[john]

sorry to hear it soupy, wish you luck.

[Steve CA]

I appreciate the time each of you took to respond. It rips me up to think of abandoning something that was sort of “on my bucket list” of things to achieve. I talked with the guy who sold me the horn, and he is willing to take it back, and give me a full refund. That’s very kind of him.

Do me a small favor, will ya (each of you)………….someday, somewhere, when you are playing your horn………..dedicate a song you play to “soupy. The guy who always wanted to be one of us, but just couldn’t.” I’ll find great comfort in knowing that somebody somewhere, played his/her best for me………….just “because.”

-Soupy

[Anonymous]

name your tune Soupy!
if fortune smiles on me & i get the chance
to play to a crowd, one day, who knows?
Live the dream man!

[Steve CA]

Whatever tune you want, sxpoet……….some smooth Jazz or a blues number………whatever floats your boat. Just do it with gusto and make me proud!!

-Soupy

[UU Pfister]

Hi Soupy
don’t let MS give up your dreams. You might have to adapt but you can still achive things. Maybe you are a bit hasty to give up your sax who knows after your MRI and the right treatment you might still be able to annoy the neighbours with your sound. I wish you and your wife all the best.
UU

[Francis Forte]

hey soupy hope your health has improved, please check your email regarding your sax.
thanks
Francis

[Author]

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